I don’t usually check out videos from people giving dating advice or who dole out suggestions on how to be more attractive to the opposite sex because I’m kinda over that stuff, but this showed up among my recommended videos on YouTube and I was curious. I’m glad I clicked.
If you don’t have time to watch, fast-forward to the 6:36 mark. He makes his point at around the 9:46 mark.
Hussey says that the people who are the most attractive are the ones who don’t allow the things that aren’t perfect about their physicality to throw them off their game. They don’t say, “Someone will like me less because of this” or “Someone won’t be attracted to me because of this.”
Isn’t that so true?
It’s typically the people who truly embrace all that they are – flaws and all — who are the most attractive, not the ones who are merely just pretty. They carry themselves and live their lives as if they have no flaws…as if they are okay with their flaws. It seems to be true that we are far more attractive when we own our insecurities.
I’ve thus decided to write down the things about myself (at least physically) that make me self-conscious — a list of my insecurities. I decided that if I talk/write about it – and do so publicly — I can own it more completely. Not that I have a goal to be attractive, but I do want to own all of who I am, and this helps me do so.
So here they are. Out in the open. “Shereable” with friends, family, even future employers…
I write my insecurities so I can recognize that I am insecure. I own them. I share them, with the hopes that if I can divest myself of the power and hold of my insecurities on my life, so can you. Besides, chances are, many of you probably have the same or similar insecurities.
- I’m not skinny. That’s pretty much stating the obvious. I never will be, and that’s perfectly fine by me, despite the rampant fat-shaming.
- I have a tummy. I don’t even drink and I’ve never had children. With the stomach that I have now, the thought of what my tummy will look like after childbearing makes me shudder.
- I have a gap-toothed smile. I have a few missing teeth. When my baby teeth fell out and as some of my adult teeth started to come in, there wasn’t enough space for all of them and so some of them never came into place. Thus, I have all of my wisdom teeth but I am missing some teeth up front (Incisors? Canines? Whatever they are called…). I also have a crossbite. We never had enough money for me to get braces and the dentist said that it would be more of a cosmetic/aesthetic as opposed to a necessary procedure, so I just lived without them. And, at the time, I was already teased enough at school for being smart (“teacher’s pet,” “overachiever,” “nerd”), for being fat, for having a big nose, and for my name (“Simon with an e,” “Sim-One,” Simone M. Samuels became “Simone Monsieur Samuels” even though I have one of the sexiest names known to mankind) so the last thing I wanted was to add insult to injury and give people yet another thing to tease me about…which is also part of the reason why I stalled in getting glasses for so long…
- I have acne. It isn’t as bad as it used to be when I was going through puberty, and now it simply serves as a reminder of my implicitly diagnosed PCOS.
- My knees and ankles are darker than the rest of my leg. My left knee is riddled with scars (as a result of my natural clumsiness :)).
- I have stretch marks all over my body, and they aren’t from childbearing.
- I have cellulite.
- I have hairy skin. I’ve always been naturally hairy, but I also have hirsutism. Hirsutism has a variety of degrees; I just have hair on my chin and neck, and some sparse hair on my lower abdomen. I use depilatory creams weekly; if I let the hair on my chin grow, I am pretty sure I can grow an uneven, scruffy beard that would rival that of my brother (though I’ve never tried and have no intentions of doing so). 🙂
- I bite my nails. I have bitten my nails all my life.
- I have trichotillomania (self-diagnosed). I don’t just play with my hair; I pull at and pull out my hair when I’m stressed or anxious. It’s a nervous habit. That’s why I have a blank patch at the bottom left side of my head as well as on the right side of my head.
- I have a big nose. I quite like it though. It does what it needs to do. I was teased for my nose all throughout grade five.
- My boobs are a little bit on the droopy side. They are slightly pendulous.
- I’ve never had a boyfriend. The secret is out (lol!). I’ve always been a late bloomer. Mind you, I’ve also been quite busy, but I’ve also not been able to truly connect with anyone on that level (yet). I haven’t found the right person, and, in some ways, I wasn’t the right person.
For those of you who have met me, some of you probably saw these traits but were so taken by my charm, wit, and intelligence that you soon forgot that they were there and my effervescent personality overshadowed my perceived flaws. Or maybe you saw the flaw and decided not to ask or mention it. Perhaps you never did notice in the first place and I’m just now calling them to your attention. Some of you may even disagree that I should feel insecure about these things…. but I do, and I own them.
I fully realize that people may judge me and criticize me: Biting your nails is such a nasty habit. The dark patch on your ankles and knees are probably dirt (for the record, it’s not), you need to do more strength training, you need to lose weight, you need more exercise period, you need to get out more…
I’ve heard variations of these statements my whole life.
While they may or may not be true, I accept myself as I am, how I am and for who I am, not for how I was or how I hope to be. Certainly there are things that I can work on, but I make no apologies for who I am now.
I’m okay with how I look. I am okay with my life story and I’m okay with who I am.
I told my sister the other day that flaws serve as a filter. Flaws tend to repel all of the wrong people and attract all of the right people.
I am painfully human and it’s magnificent. These flaws are what distinguishes me from a Barbie doll. They are indications of my humanity, because humans, by their very nature, are flawed (remember that 80’s song “Human”? Loved it!!)
These are my insecurities writ large. I know that they exist. I’m not in denial. I own them and I’m actually trying to love them.
This is who I am. This is what makes me unique. This is what makes me attractive. This is what makes me beautiful.
Speaking about flaws, I discovered this song on iTunes yesterday by no coincidence. I think it’s especially appropriate given today’s post. While sin may have caused our flaws, the cross has made us flawless:
(I’ve had this song on repeat the whole day.)