Every time I read something about resolutions I’m just like, “Blech.” I’m not about that “make a resolution” life. I’ve never really been motivated to make resolutions, and this year I am even more unmotivated, for whatever reason.
I guess, I’m just like, “Why?” If I create a set of goals to complete by the end of the year, that creates pressure. And right now in my life, the last thing I need/want is pressure. I have worked under pressure for so many years (law school, bar school, articling) that I really just want a few years where I can chill, drift, and let life be what it is. I already have a lot on my plate, and adding a new year’s resolution feels like just one more thing I have to do/accomplish. And contrary to my former years, I don’t really feel like leading an accomplished-driven life right now.
I should mention that I also have an aversion to rules and goal-setting in general. I take a really laid back approach to life.
There are definitely a few things that I actually must do this year or else I will not be able to live with myself, like actually revising and sending in my book proposals instead of endlessly talking about them, and actually radically changing my career path and actually working out my finances.
But truth be told, I am okay with the other things that ought to change but may never change:
I really should stop biting my nails, but I don’t care enough to stop.
I could probably stand to lose more weight, but I like my body as it is.
I would like to learn how to crochet braid, but I don’t mind running back to Toronto from time to time to get my Mom to do it for free.
I’ve always wanted to be fluent in Spanish, but if all I can say is “Vamos a la playa” and “mi casa es su casa” by the end of 2017, it’s not the end of the world.
I would benefit from spending more time meditating and doing visualizations. This will probably happen on its own, as my body gives me cues on when I need to address anxiety and be still. I tend to be really good at listening to my body.
I could resolve to punch out one blog post a week, but then blogging becomes a chore as opposed to a hobby driven by pure inspiration.
I should get my driver’s license, but I’m content taking the bus and walking.
I should learn how to be neater, and how to keep a tidy apartment, but I have grown comfortable with my organized messes.
I should probably go to bed earlier, but truth is I’m a night owl, and my most alert hours (and most creative hours) are between the hours of 7 pm and 3 am.
I should try to go to church more regularly (as had been the case in my early adult years), but right now church is one of the loneliest places on earth for me, and given that there are enough things in my life that make me feel crappy, I’ve decided not to force myself to stand in the cold, wait for the bus and go somewhere where I will feel crappier every week. So my attendance at Bedside Baptist will probably continue into 2018.
My aunt told me yesterday (in a foreboding tone of great concern) that since I’m almost thirty, I need to “start dating seriously.” Truth is, I’ve tried, there’s no one to date, and being alone doesn’t scare me anymore. And if I’m going to be single and/or postpone childbirth, the best thing I can do is gain capital (aka hustle. Rise and grind).
I could aim to “put myself out there” more in 2018, but let’s not fool ourselves — I really just want to stay home, and I resolve to do more of that in 2018.
“But don’t you want to grow?!” Yes, and Jesus has always taken care of that. I always find myself in situations that stretch and challenge me — situations which I had never sought out. So growth will happen whether or not I want it to.
What I’ve written about sounds a little depressing, lol. I am a little burnt out. I’m not gonna lie — I am not excited about 2018, for many reasons. But I felt the same way at the end of 2016 and the most random and amazing stuff happened in 2017, despite my melancholy and lack of enthusiasm. In some ways I’m sitting here, looking at 2018 and saying, “2017 was good. 2018 — give me a reason to be excited.”
And whatever comes comes, and whatever happens happens. And if it’s great I’ll celebrate and if it’s not so great I’ll face it with Christ’s help. That has always been my modus operandi. It’s another year. We’ll see what it has in store, and I daringly invite it to blow me away with its awesomeness and pleasant surprises (emphasis on the word “pleasant”).
Hasta la vista 2017. 2018, make my day (…or year. lol).
So I echo future princess Meghan Markle’s approach to welcoming the new year:
My New Year’s resolution is to leave room for magic. To make my plans, and be okay if they sometimes break. To set my goals, but to be open to change. To let the magic know that there is an open door policy with me in 2016 and that it is always welcome to join the party.
Like her, I invite you to do the same.
Meghan Markle left the door of 2016 open and fell in love with a prince. While, similarly, it would be nice to meet my own prince in 2018, the real prize of 2018 would be that I lovingly cared for myself and I got through.
Read more from Meghan:
“Run a marathon. Stop biting my nails. Stop swearing. Re-learn French. These make my New Year?s resolution list nearly (AKA actually every) single year. The marathon hasn?t happened. The swearing comes in lulls triggered by being overworked or feeling mighty cheeky after a couple drinks. Then there?s the French ? a language I studied…” Read more here: A New Year’s Resolution – The Tig
Also I saw this and I wanted to share it. Here’s what another Megan had to say:
Every year around this time my feed fills up with people listing all they've achieved in the year. And don't get me wrong, of course people deserve to celebrate their accomplishments and be proud, but I also know how it feels to be on the other side of those posts, comparing every achievement to your own and coming out feeling worthless. So if you ever feel the same way, these are just a few things I want you to remember ⬆ and I promise that you have not wasted your year. You are here. You have survived. You have added light to someone else's life even if you don't feel like you have. You are not alone in doubting yourself, in fact I would bet that some of the people you think have achieved the most are doubting themselves right now, too. So instead of asking you to tell me something you've accomplished, I want us to lift someone else instead. If you've read this far, tag another person below and tell them one thing you've been proud of them for in 2017 💜 I'm proud of every one of you for fighting your body image demons, and choosing to heal, however impossible it sometimes feels. ➡ your turn to pass it on. 💜💙💚🌈🌞