Self-Love Manifesto

It is a radical idea to love yourself.  Don’t believe me?  There are entire industries devoted to making you insecure of your physical attributes.  It has been said that, “In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself [and I would add, loving yourself] is a rebellious act.”  It’s radical.  We so easily internalize these negative messages from the media, our friends, our family, our loved ones – people and institutions that sometimes seem intent (albeit often subconsciously and inadvertently) to tear us down and break us apart.  At times, we even help them in this endeavour.

So I repeat — it is a radical idea to love yourself, although it really shouldn’t be all that radical.  It should be second nature.  It should be natural.

While going through a personal crisis and period of introspection, I was thinking about self-love and how I needed to love myself to get through my crisis — or, more accurately stated, to love myself through my crisis.  But then I wasn’t sure I knew how.  So I came up with this manifesto.

Love Myself The Way God Calls Me to Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is the passage many turn to when one wants to see what love looks like in action.  It is usually read as a reminder of how we ought to love others.  But recently, I’ve read it as a reminder of how we ought to love God, how God loves us, and how I should love myself.

According to 1 Corinthians 13, if the Bible is to be taken at its Word, then I ought to:

Be patient with myself. Be kind to myself. Think loving thoughts about myself. Trust myself (i.e. intuition, instinct as given by God). Not demand my own way. Not get easily irritated with myself.  Not be rude to myself.  Not keep a record of my sins or wrongdoings. Believe in myself. Never lose faith in myself. Hope and believe the best of myself. Persevere for my own sake.  Never give up on myself.  Never fail myself.

This is what loving myself looks like.

I Will Not Compare Myself

I will avoid poison envy.  Comparison is the thief of joy they say.  All of our journeys are different.  No one’s journey is “better” than another’s.  So I won’t get jealous anymore because that’s their story.  It’s not mine, or, like the great American philosopher Amy Poehler once said, “Good for her.  Not for me.”  We can get so busy paying attention to the lives of others that we don’t pay attention to our own.  We only see a snapshot of the lives of each each other, filtered through the prism of our own perceptions and interpretations.

I will concentrate on my story, my marathon, and my lane.  I will love my lane.  I will love my body (or “love your tree” as Eve Ensler says).  I will love my life.  I will love my story.

I WIll Not Live for the Gaze of Others

Am I getting butt implants because I have always wanted — deep down inside —  to have a bigger butt, or am I getting a butt implant to “boost my confidence” (i.e. turn more heads when I walk into a room)?  If I knew I wouldn’t bump into any guy today, would I still wear this dress?  Would I still post that picture or tweet that clever quip if I knew I would not get any likes or retweets?  Would I still wear that outfit, style my hair and wear makeup if this world was only filled with women and if I was only ever to meet women today?  If so, I do my own thing.  If not, I have to check myself.  I may unwittingly be doing these actions to get someone’s attention, and playing into the idea that I exist for the viewing pleasure of others.  I need not act as if I have a job to look good or I have to look good for other people or I have to be someone worth looking at.  My motivation for whatever I do will come from me as opposed to how I wish to be perceived by others.  It’s okay to look good and look good for myself but I will make sure that I am my own primary motivation for my actions concerning myself.

Gravitate to What is Healthy and Leave What Isn’t

I will ensure that all of my actions come from a place of self-love and appreciation and not self-hate, whether it be eating, sleeping, exercising, going to the spa, or getting my hair done.  I will rest when I need to, push forward when necessary and I will learn the difference.  I don’t work out because I hate how I look; I work out because I love my body and appreciate the things it does for me.  I want to see it reach its full potential.

Cultivate My Own Unique Sense of Beauty

The person who loves themselves accepts themselves as they are and they try to discover and embrace and enjoy their own unique beauty.  I will take time to discover what makes me beautiful.

If it’s my personality, I’ll keep on making it more effervescent.  If it’s my mind, I’ll keep reading and thinking.  If my smile is my asset, it doesn’t mean that I will invest in whitening strips or braces (and I may), but rather I will keep on smiling and shining and make sure that the smile is a genuine reflection of what is going on on the inside.  If I have a gap-toothed smile, I will treat it as a special mark of individuality and I won’t hide it —  I will show it off.  If it is a combination thereof, I will focus on developing these assets.  I will focus on what I’ve got going on, and I will forgive myself for my perceived flaws.  I will cultivate my inherent sense of beauty so it reaches its fullest potential of beauty.

I will come into my own and I will blossom at my own pace.  I will develop and become more aware and become more of my own type of beauty, so I can say: “I’m beautiful, maybe not in your way or in the way of the world, but I am beautiful in my very own special way.”

It’s not about beauty for the sake of others but beauty for the sake of me.

Engage in Self-Discovery and Knowledge

I will get to know myself the way an enamored suitor wants to get to know the object of his or her affection.  I will get to know my body.  I will pillage my mind.  I will become better acquainted (and better friends) with my soul.  I will study myself and get to know what makes me tick.  What do I want? What makes me come alive?  What am I passionate about? What makes me happy?  What am I good at?  What comes naturally to me?  What is my gift?  When was the last time I was happy?  What turns me on?  What turns me off?  What bothers me? Who bothers me?  Why?  What are my needs (sexual, relationship, psychological etc.)?  Am I an introvert or an extrovert?  How do I react when I am around a certain person?  Why?  What needs do I need met before I can give to others?  I will engage in various different activities, safely push my boundaries and occasionally leave my comfort zone so that I can learn more about myself.

Be There for Myself

Sometimes the only person on whom I will be able to depend — besides Jesus — is me.  Sometimes only I will know how to best help myself or heal myself.  Sometimes only I know what I need and only I can meet that need.  It is in these times that I will have to learn how to support myself.  I will have to be there for myself.  I may have to rescue myself.  I may have to be the one to encourage myself.  And I may have to be the one to force myself outside – outside of my home or outside of myself.  I will have to be the one to cheer myself up, cheer myself on, or calm myself down.  I will have to comfort myself.  I will have to learn how to quiet my own soul.  I will have to be strong for myself.  I may not appreciate having to do these things for myself and by myself now, but one day I will and I will be better for it.  I will do all this for myself because I am worth it and because I love myself.

It took me some time

But now I am strong

Because I realized I got

Me myself and I

That’s all I got in the end

That’s what I found out

And it ain’t no need to cry

I took a vow that from now on

I’m gonna be my own best friend

Me myself and I

That’s all I got in the end

That’s what I found out

And it ain’t no need to cry

I took a vow that from now on

I’m gonna be my own best friend

Me myself and I

I know that I will never disappoint myself

I must have cried a thousand times

All the ladies if you feel me

Help me sing it now

I can’t regret all the times spent with you

Ya, you hurt me

But I learned a lot along the way

After all the rain

You’ll see the sun come out again

I know that I will never disappoint myself