Rachel Dolezal is My Sister

#AskRachel and #RachelDolezal had me in stitches for the better part of Friday afternoon.  I spent a lot of time – more time than I care to admit – scrolling through people’s tweets and retweeting them, “lol-ing” and “lmbo-ing” with the rest of the Twitterverse.  I didn’t realize that so many Black people had so many common experiences.  My Internet trolling was then interrupted by a call from my sister.  I excitedly shared with her some of my favourite tweets.

I’d read a tweet and my sister would laugh a little and say, “That’s mean.”

That’s….that’s…that’s mean? *Nervous laughter*

I’d read her another tweet and she would reply, “Oh wow…that’s so cruel.”

That’s cr..cr…cruel?

Oh boy.

It was then that I realized I knew better.

A lot of scandals have emerged over the past few weeks.  Josh Duggar and revelations of how he molested five girls immediately comes to mind.  Then there’s Cpl. Eric Casebolt and his pistol-brandishing involvement in the McKinney, Texas pool party incident.  And now there’s Rachel Dolezal.

I reposted and commented on many of these incidents, critiquing and deconstructing when I felt it necessary and when I had something to say.  I’m not sure, but I think my educational formation has made me increasingly critical – and sometimes perhaps too critical.  Sometimes I forget to be compassionately critical.

Sometimes I forget to be compassionately critical.

Now don’t get me wrong — I am not, in any way, denying that what Josh or Rachel or Eric did was wrong.  Far from it.  What they did was wrong (as far as I know and given the facts that are available).  Molestation is damaging – often for years to come.  Children need their parents to be their first line of defense.  Police brutality needs to end now, and police officers need to stop terrorizing our Black youth.  Cultural appropriation is problematic.  Exploiting an entire race and building your career on dishonesty is deplorable.  You can’t just wake up one day and decide to wear Blackness for a while.  For the record, I’m not defending what she or any of these people have done.

That said, I struggle with what should be the appropriate castigation for a wrong action(s).  Shouldn’t the punishment be in proportion to the “crime”?  Getting fired, getting suspended, being removed from a professional order, being demoted, being replaced on a committee, even having your reputation ruined and your honesty questioned and discredited… fine.  I get it.  In a weird way, it’s merited.  But public evisceration through social media… I’m not so sure.  I’m not yet convinced that public shaming should be part and parcel of the penance for an offense.

I’m not yet convinced that public shaming should be part and parcel of the penance for an offense.

Wasn’t this the very issue that Monica Lewinsky talked about in her TED talk?  I can’t be reposting and heralding Monica’s bravery and nodding along with her one moment and then be participating in the very same actions she decries the next.  Like she said, “Public shaming as a blood sport has to stop, and it’s time for an intervention on the Internet and in our culture.  The shift begins with something simple, but it’s not easy. We need to return to a long-held value of compassion — compassion and empathy.”

It’s enough that a person did a bad thing and has ruined their life – must they be publicly excoriated and raked over the coals too?

It’s enough that a person did a bad thing and has ruined their life – must they be publicly excoriated and raked over the coals too?

I’m reminded that the Person who I try to follow – Jesus – didn’t do the whole public shaming thing.  He was more like, “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.”  By joining in the laughter and retweets, I become a virtual stone-thrower.  By laughing at her, I participated in her public demise.  I have to be a better steward of the technology at my disposal.

I also am reminded, and have come to learn through my legal education, that no matter how horrible the story, there are at least two sides.  I may read a number of articles but I still have yet to hear Rachel’s story.  The fact that she went to such great lengths to “be Black” and “live Black” tells me that maybe she has issues…  Not that it would change the weight or wrongness of her wrongdoing, but it would colour my comments and temper my criticism.

I have to constantly remind myself that behind the maelstrom, behind the lies, behind the cultural appropriation, lays a human being …and my sister (or brother) in Christ, hiding themself from the public eye and slowly dying from humiliation.  If she was my biological sister who did something wrong, you can be sure I would not have retweeted the tweets I did.  I would not support the wrong committed, but I would have stood up for her and said something about the public shaming.  I would try to contain it.  I would try to give it boundaries.

Likewise, I am called to love others as I love myself.  If that’s the case, I have to admit that if it were me, I’d like someone to stand up for me and say something.  Definitely don’t excuse my actions if and when I’m wrong and don’t shield me from any justly deserved punishment, but perhaps be the leader in a call towards public consciousness and compassion.

Life is funny.  I don’t know what life has in store for me personally, but I do know that I will not always do the right thing.   If I had been caught doing something wrong, if any “secrets” I have are ever discovered, I’d like some grace – actually lots of grace – meted out with the chastisement.  In fact, I’d like more grace than chastisement.

Some may argue that she does not deserve compassion.  I get it.  I can totally see the issue from that side too.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  I’ll admit that compassion is not yet my second nature.  But at the end of the day, Rachel Dolezal is still my sister and a human being, and, at the end of the day, I have to remind myself that I subscribe to a school of thought that says, “Do unto others as you would like done unto you.”

I know better, and those who know better must do better.  I’m going to try to do better.

Photo credit: http://necolebitchie.com/2015/06/naacp-leader-outed-as-a-white-woman-after-a-decade-of-passing-for-black-rachel-dolezal/